The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
