I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
