sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
