I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
