The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When did angry sex become our thing?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have feelings that need drinking.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
