it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
