Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
