VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
