I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
