Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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