My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
