No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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