Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Even my vagina gasped.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
