tell your sister to shave her snatch
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
