sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Pooping to opera.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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