Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
