Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
