Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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