I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
