he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
