Sry I called you an 8
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
