just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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