And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
