did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Can I color on your dick again?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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