Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
