also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
