my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
