it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
