My underwear smells like fireworks.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
