Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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