Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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