i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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