the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
