If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
