Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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