i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
