HIV tests are more positive than that guy
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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