I just pynch a tree in the face
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
