At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
