It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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