I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
