you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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