She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
