I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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