I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
