also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
