Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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