I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
