i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
