I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
