If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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