come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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