Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
