Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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