are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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