I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
