I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
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Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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