You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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