not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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