My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
