why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
