shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
