Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
why didn't you poke me back
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
